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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,607

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Spotted on Messenger:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Seen just now on Slack:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Spotted on Facebook:

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

Just landed via Telegram:

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
When you find the unsubscribe button for adulting, let me know! I'm ready for a permanent vacation. 😂🛌🙌

adulting, humor, i, life, please, request, responsibility, sarcasm, stress, thank, unsubscribe

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

1 month ago
almost, bad, bad decision, decision, decisions, eating, food, humor, lifestyle, relatable, self-deprecating
I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

1 month ago
day, Groundhog, humor, ID, nature, over, prediction, trust, weather, weatherman
Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

1 month ago
cowgirl, humor, i, media, position, post, reverse, reverse cowgirl, selfie, sexual, sexual position, social, social media
Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

1 month ago
anyone, appreciate, attitude, being, fails, fun, humor, i, i told you so, joy, optimism, pessimism, pessimist, sarcasm, saying, told
Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

1 month ago
boy, date, funny pick-up line, humor, know, last, line, machine, minutes, pick-up, relationship, time, washing, washing machine
Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

5 days ago
alive, asexual, being, contradiction, feels, humor, identity, pornstar, sometimes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Making waves on YouTube:

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

That incredible ability of cats to only throw up on carpeted floors.

Going viral on Reddit:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Breaking via Slack:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Making waves on Telegram:

“I’m so grateful that so many things are none of my business.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Reading about two insects who fall in love in Italy. It’s a Rome ants novel.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

Career? Never heard of her. I’m majoring in sunshine and snacks.

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

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I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.

I’d trust a groundhog over a weatherman any day.

Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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