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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

You’re really hot. Wanna share microplastics?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Men can be sorted into two camps: the ones who get haircuts way before they need them, and the ones who wait until people in their lives are complaining.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

“I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Shared recently on Discord:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Spotted on Slack:

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

Making waves on Facebook:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Making waves on X:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Going viral on X:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Looks like we're going bananas with promotions! 🍌🙈🎪 #MonkeyBusiness"

absurdity, buy, circus, humor, i, irony, joke, management, manager, monkey

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28 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

92 shares on Discord this month:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

61 shares on TikTok this month:

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

34 shares on Discord this month:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Breaking via Slack:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Shared recently on Slack:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Going viral on YouTube:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Just landed via Twitch:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Just landed via Facebook:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Trending via Twitch:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you start eating chips.

Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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