Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,799

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

To the spirits in my walls: going to the store, be right back.

Just shared via YouTube:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Just shared via Slack:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Going viral on YouTube:

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

Making waves on Facebook:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Live now on Threads:

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like we're going bananas with promotions! 🍌🙈🎪 #MonkeyBusiness"

absurdity, buy, circus, humor, i, irony, joke, management, manager, monkey

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

0

2 months ago

begin, day, end, every, forward, humor, i, look forward, looking, motivation, perspective, routine
An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

0

3 months ago

aid, bed, bedtime, before, humor, nature, orgasm, relaxation, sleep, sleep aid
Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

0

2 months ago

dating, dating profile, ex, good, guys, humor, photo, pics, picture, profile, profile picture, profiles, relationship
Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

0

2 months ago

40s, 60-year-old, age, birthday, feeling, humor, mindset, problem, self-deprecation, still, too
Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, interrupt, interruption, me, overhear, please, sarcasm, social, something, trying, witty
Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

0

5 months ago

alcohol, apple, apple juice, drink, fruit, fruit juice, humor, juice, shy, taste, too, wants

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

76 shares on Slack this month:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

56 shares on Discord this month:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

18 shares on Threads this month:

The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.

21 shares on Slack this month:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has line danced to Achy Breaky Heart.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Hear me out. What if we don’t elect another president, and we all just promise to be really good?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

My addiction to buying things I don’t need started at the school book fair.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Just shared via Instagram:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Breaking via Telegram:

The umbrella was going to be called brella, but the inventor hesitated.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

Making waves on YouTube:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Breaking via Slack:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

Spotted on Messenger:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨