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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,654

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Live now on WeChat:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Trending via Slack:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Seen just now on Threads:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Going viral on Instagram:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs vision when you have such a fabulous look? 😎 Say goodbye to 20/20 and hello to 100/100 in style! 👓 #BlindButFabulous"

being, confidence, glasses, humor, i, self-image, sexy, time, vision

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Time needs a speed limit.

1 month ago

humor, irony, life, limit, needs, philosophy, speed, time
I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

2 months ago

confidence, full, humor, i, mirror, mirrors, motivation, need, room, self, self-confidence, surrounded, want, winner
In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

1 month ago

celebration, cold, darkness, distant, filled, honor, humor, i, irony, seasonal, solstice, winter, winter solstice
Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

1 month ago

around, clean, ghost, ghosts, humor, lights, mop, move, stuff
Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

2 months ago

channel, drop, experiment, foot, humor, hurt, i, ideas, pain, start, YouTube
I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

1 month ago

food, humor, i, joke, kick, mushroom, order, pizza

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Just landed via WeChat:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Going viral on Facebook:

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

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Activity Log ✨

If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Time needs a speed limit.

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

Someone should bite my inner thighs just to see what type of noises I make. For science.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

Olympic gymnast: does the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Announcer: Oh dear, that will be a point deduction.

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

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If I had known I looked this sexy in glasses, I would’ve stopped being able to see a long time ago.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Time needs a speed limit.

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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