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Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Ragebaiting each other is flirting, btw.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

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15,753

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Just landed via Twitch:

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

Trending via Threads:

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Just landed via Slack:

Every laptop should have a “cat” button that disables the keyboard so they can nap.

Making waves on X:

Frodo is a beautiful name for a boy. Has a ring to it.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about exhaustion and parenting with a playful forest escape vibe.

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Commentary:
That forest better be toddler-proof! 🌲😂🌛

again, away, exhaustion, forest, humor, insomnia, night, parenting, running, running away, sleep, tiredness, toddler, tonight

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79 shares on Telegram this month:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

56 shares on Reddit this month:

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.

26 shares on X this month:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Freshly posted on X:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Just landed via X:

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

Spotted on TikTok:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Going viral on Messenger:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Going viral on Slack:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

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If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

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If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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