Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,488

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Live now on Twitch:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Going viral on Telegram:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

Spotted on Telegram:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Just shared via Twitch:

I am a firm believer that singing ‘Slide Away’ at the top of your lungs changes you as a person.

Breaking via Reddit:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me, I’m gonna say “I’m a puncher” and see how it goes.

Seen just now on X:

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

2 months ago

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That forest better be toddler-proof! 🌲😂🌛

again, away, exhaustion, forest, humor, insomnia, night, parenting, running, running away, sleep, tiredness, toddler, tonight

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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on TikTok this month:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

83 shares on Threads this month:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

50 shares on Slack this month:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

72 shares on TikTok this month:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

Having no one to talk would get you a good sleeping schedule.

50 shares on Slack this month:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

69 shares on Threads this month:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes life is like a cowshed. You step from one turd into the next.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

If you’re having a good day today, don’t play Wordle.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

The shower is the only one who gets turned on when I’m naked.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Every time I leave the house, I’m reminded why sweatpants exist.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

Trending via Discord:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Just shared via Threads:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Just landed via X:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Going bananas on Threads:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Going viral on Messenger:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

Just landed via Discord:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

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Activity Log ✨

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Keep the laugh going 😂

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨