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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

There are rumors that someone came down the chimney last night. This is preposterous. I would have lost my mind.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen what happens when they get elected.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,539

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Trending via Facebook:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Freshly posted on Threads:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Just landed via Messenger:

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Just landed via Messenger:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

3 months ago

0

If porn damages your brain, and writing develops your brain, does writing porn even it out?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That must be why my brain keeps asking for plot twists 🍆✍️🧠

brain, creativity, damage, development, even, humor, joke, porn, wordplay, writing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

0

2 months ago

activity, bending, bending over, bungee, bungee jump, funny activity, hair, hair tie, humor, jump, jumping, lightheartedness, microdosing, over, risk, thrill, tie
A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

0

2 months ago

bridesmaid, carry, CVS, end, friendship, humor, receipt, responsibility, shopping, wedding
“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

0

2 months ago

car, engine, engine light, humor, light, maintenance, means, sarcasm, working
Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

0

1 month ago

administrative, administrative assistant, application, aspiration, assistant, boy, career, career aspiration, childhood, childhood dream, cover, cover letter, dream, ever, feels, humor, i, job, job application, letter, letters, little, wanted, writing
Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

0

2 months ago

diet, humor, lifestyle, never, pants, tight, tip, too, wear
I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

0

2 months ago

emotion, humor, i, love, me, move, movement, positivity, self-confidence, sexy, still, think, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

46 shares on Threads this month:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I just stand in the sun and stare at nothing, like a dog.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

In university, you are either struggling academically, financially, emotionally, or all three.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,603

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s tired here.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The void screams into me.

Just shared via Slack:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Going viral on Messenger:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Making waves on Twitch:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Going viral on Snapchat:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

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