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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Well, that’s not very in love with me of you.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

The fact that I exist irritates me at least once a day.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,312

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Making waves on Facebook:

11 out of 10 women are always right.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Making waves on Instagram:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Spotted on Discord:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Live now on Instagram:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Live now on Slack:

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Humorous text about being easily annoyed by foolishness and frustration.
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Commentary:
"Mastering the art of being bugged by nonsense like a true connoisseur 🙄🤦‍♂️ Who knew annoyance could be a skill worth boasting about?"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on Twitch this month:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

43 shares on Threads this month:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

95 shares on Discord this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

62 shares on YouTube this month:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

13 shares on Slack this month:

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

95 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Grandparents were right. Sitting in a chair, doing nothing, and staring at nature is incredible.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl dinner, but it’s the hearts of men who wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,602

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I’m already ready to clock out from work tomorrow.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

Live now on Slack:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Shared recently on Slack:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

Just shared via Twitch:

I woke up alive again.

Trending via Snapchat:

Been getting really into nothing.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Just shared via Discord:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Spotted on TikTok:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

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