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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Me as the therapist: “Listen, just take a nap!”

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,546

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Trending via Discord:

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Making waves on Discord:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Making waves on Instagram:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Trending via Slack:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Live now on Messenger:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Going viral on Telegram:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

2 months ago

0

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Watching Home Alone backwards is like witnessing a heartwarming tale of a little hero who uses the power of magic to fix up two unfortunate souls, literally piece by piece! 🏡🔙😂 Just when you thought the Wet Bandits couldn't catch a break… Reverse movie magic strikes again!

alone, backwards, comedy, healing, home, home alone, kid, love, men, movie, perspective, story, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Single, not sure how to mingle.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, dating, humor, mingle, relationship, single, social, sure
I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

0

2 months ago

call, ever, humor, i, irony, purpose, quality, recorded, recorded call, training, used, wonder
I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

0

2 months ago

age, elderly, humor, i, life, life stage, people, perspective, stage, where
If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

0

2 months ago

coming, ever, humor, just, nature, observation, slow, snail, surprise, wit
Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

0

2 months ago

again, animal, animal reference, chicken, food, funny moment, grocery, grocery store, holding, humor, moment, reference, rotisserie, rotisserie chicken, Simba, situation, store, unexpected, unexpected situation
Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

0

2 months ago

actually, advice, choice, freedom, fun, guys, humor, know, life, life advice, self-expression, spontaneity, time, want, whatever

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t get why banks tie pens with strings. We trust them with money, but they can’t trust us with a single pen.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

69 shares on Discord this month:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

10 shares on Discord this month:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

52 shares on Slack this month:

God, I was so happy when I was 18. I wasn’t at the time, but in retrospect I was.

75 shares on Slack this month:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

72 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

He’s a 10, but it’s the pain scale.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WhatsApp:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Just landed via Messenger:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Going viral on YouTube:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

Trending via YouTube:

If you steal enough FitBits, they’ll just give you one for your ankle.

Making waves on Threads:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Going viral on Telegram:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Just shared via Twitch:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Making waves on YouTube:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Trending via Discord:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Spotted on TikTok:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

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