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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

if you think i’m rude, you should hear the lil voice in my head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

41 minutes ago

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Spotted on Threads:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Just landed via WeChat:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Making waves on Instagram:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Seen just now on Messenger:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Making waves on X:

Half princess, half menace.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

Seen just now on Discord:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

2 months ago

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

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Commentary:
Haha, sounds like your brain and my humor are on the same mischievous page! 😂 Sometimes, our thoughts need a serious intervention—maybe a comedy therapist? 🎭🤪 Just remember, laughter is the best medicine… unless you're thinking of eating a jar of pickles at midnight—then you might need real help! 🥒😅

awkward, health, help, humor, jokes, mental, mental health, mental health humor, need, professional, professional help, thinking, thoughts

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

41 minutes ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

HR: “Please complete our anonymous survey.” My boss then later: “Don’t forget the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Asking my dentist a question, but sticking my fingers in his mouth before he replies.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Reported on X:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Just shared via TikTok:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Going viral on Messenger:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

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