Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I hate when people set alarms and it wakes up everybody except for them.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I would prefer not to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,313

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Canadians are nice because they’re close to Santa.

Just landed via Facebook:

Overthinkaholic!

Seen just now on TikTok:

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know I’m on their side.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Going viral on Telegram:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Breaking via Telegram:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Forever young at heart, but my joints got the senior discount! 🧒💔🧓😂"

age, age contrast, aging, back, citizen, contrast, heart, humor, kid, knees, self-deprecating, senior, youth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

0

2 months ago

annoying, comments, enhance, entertainment, experience, humor, i, movie, opinion, people
The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

0

2 months ago

chocolate, comedy, food, humor, people, real, vegetable
Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

0

5 months ago

bad, bad screen, fatigue, good, good screen, home, looking, screen, screen fatigue, tired, wait
Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, coping, drink, feeling, humor, irony, melancholy, much, self-deprecation, things, think, worse
The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, comedy, drive, fitness, gym, hit, humor, i, laziness, motivation, only, procrastination, workout
Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

0

3 months ago

ask, computer, good, humor, i, life, morning, multitasking, nice, office, office life, open, procrastination, question, tab, tabs, weekend, work, work tab

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

60 shares on X this month:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

33 shares on TikTok this month:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

69 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

30 shares on Threads this month:

Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

The amount of sleeping I’ve done over the past few days has been phenomenal. I genuinely love doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Just shared via X:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Live now on YouTube:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Just landed via Discord:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Trending via Threads:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Seen just now on Twitch:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m a kid at heart and a senior citizen at my knees and back.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨