I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

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Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

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“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

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Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.