I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3am coming back from the club.

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You lose some, you lose some more.

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Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

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Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

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Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

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Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

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“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

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If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

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If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

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In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

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You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.