Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg!

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

April Fool’s next week and still no one has asked me to be their fool.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,592

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on TikTok:

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Breaking via Pinterest:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Spotted on TikTok:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Seen just now on Slack:

I had too much to think last night.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Spotted on TikTok:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Going viral on Twitch:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sure, just going to let my brain go on vacation and hope things work out 😂🧠✈️

attempt, decision making, going, humor, mindset, problem, self-reflection, situation, thinking, try, underthinking, works

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

0

2 months ago

appreciation, car, hit, humor, ID, kind, kind stranger, life, me, perspective, point, say, stranger, thank, thank you, where
I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

0

2 months ago

after, bed, creature, environment, humor, i, kid, kids, living, living creature, okay, parenting, procrastination, saw, spider, survive, tired, too, under
It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

0

2 months ago

3am, balance, comedy, deprivation, healing, health, hours, humor, insomnia, late, late hours, late night, life, life balance, night, ruin, self-care, sleep, sleep deprivation, stay, unfortunately
My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily wear, everyday, expensive, fashion, glasses, humor, i, irony, most, self-deprecation, thing, toxic, toxic trait, trait, wear
Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

0

4 days ago

enough, everything, God, health, humor, mental, mental health, schizophrenia, schizophrenic, sign
Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

0

2 months ago

diarrhea, funny name, gonorrhea, great, humor, joke, medicine, name, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Facebook this month:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

100 shares on Discord this month:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

42 shares on Threads this month:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

99 shares on X this month:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

49 shares on YouTube this month:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Just shared via Twitch:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Going bananas on Messenger:

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Live now on WeChat:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

Everything is a sign from God if you’re schizophrenic enough.

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨