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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,488

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Just shared via Slack:

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Just shared via Twitch:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Making waves on Messenger:

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

Going viral on YouTube:

That bourbon chicken from the mall only tastes good on that toothpick. You order it, and it’s not the same, I swear.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I’m at the age where an uncomfortable bed will have me injured for a couple of days.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"When life gives you honey, embrace your inner Pooh Bear! 🍯🐻 No pants, no problem! 😂🍯"

around, bear, casual, eat, eating, friends, hang, hanging, hanging out, humor, i, just, pantsless, pooh, Pooh Bear, relaxed, want

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10 shares on Pinterest this month:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

30 shares on Snapchat this month:

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

84 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

Uber Eats “you forgot to finish your order” notification is funny because I didn’t forget, I just came to my senses.

59 shares on X this month:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

51 shares on Threads this month:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

15 shares on Threads this month:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Going viral on X:

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

Spotted on YouTube:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sorry, I didn’t text back. I don’t like talking to people anymore.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

Shared recently on WeChat:

They just don’t put milkshakes in the yard like they used to.

Seen just now on X:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Just landed via Messenger:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Going viral on Discord:

“You’re crazy.” God forbid I keep my family traits alive.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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