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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I love that my dog always comes home from the groomer wearing a bandana. It’s like he was only gone for three hours, but joined a gang in that time.

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15,752

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Making waves on X:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Just landed via TikTok:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Just shared via Messenger:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Making waves on Messenger:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My age no longer permits me to suffer for love, so if you see me sad, it’s due to lack of money.

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"When life gives you honey, embrace your inner Pooh Bear! 🍯🐻 No pants, no problem! 😂🍯"

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64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Alexa, take responsibility for my actions.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

46 shares on X this month:

If my dog knew how many photos I have of him sleeping, he’d file a restraining order against me.

100 shares on Slack this month:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

58 shares on Threads this month:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

She asked to see where the magic happens, so I showed her my sandwich maker.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I need a room full of mirrors because I want to be surrounded by winners.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

One year of friendship, and I’ve not seen your breasts? Are we really friends?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I hate that moment when you are tired and sleepy but as soon as you go to bed your body is like “just kidding.”

Going viral on Threads:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Spotted on Threads:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Going bananas on Discord:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Just landed via TikTok:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Going viral on Facebook:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Keep the laugh going 😂

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Discovering the Spice Girls broke up not over money and fame but lesbianism.

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨