Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Imagine the carnage at an IKEA team building event.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Cheating before AI required a level of effort that you ended up learning something by default.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

One of my biggest faults is that when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,884

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Going bananas on Instagram:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Just landed via Slack:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

Spotted on Threads:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

Shared recently on Discord:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Just shared via YouTube:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Going viral on Slack:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Maybe they should rename it the 'Somewhat United Kingdom'? 😅🤔 #BrexitBanter"

comedy, expert, humor, i, joke, politics, sarcasm, satire, think, UK, unity

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

0

2 months ago

blaming, brother, family, humor, little, nobody, punching, rivalry, sibling, sibling rivalry, son, trouble, victim, victim blaming
Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

0

2 months ago

back, cat, conversation, date, flirt, fun, meow, place, playful
I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

0

2 months ago

dating, flirt, humor, i, insult, interaction, sarcasm, skills, social, social skills, wit
I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

0

2 months ago

guys, humor, i, interaction, introduce, introduction, moron, neighbor, sarcasm, should, social, social interaction
I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

0

2 months ago

bargain, end, expectation, follow, here, humor, i, irony, joke, Nigerian, Nigerian prince, prince, scam, wait, waiting
Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

0

3 months ago

asking, communication, cool, ever, humor, reassurance, relationship, sex, unsolicited, unsolicited reassurance

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

47 shares on Discord this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

95 shares on YouTube this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

69 shares on Threads this month:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

80 shares on Reddit this month:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

The best essential oils are the ones that drip out of Tacos.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Microplastics are a waste of time. I go straight to eating whole packaging.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Making waves on YouTube:

Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

Making waves on Instagram:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Just landed via Reddit:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Shared recently on Telegram:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

Live now on Snapchat:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Just shared via Threads:

Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨