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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Starting a new life today, bye.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

The females who don’t go through phones will definitely find out through dreams.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,322

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Shared recently on Slack:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Going viral on Instagram:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

Trending via TikTok:

Who called it girl math and not galgebra?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Ugh, sometimes I just wish there was a song about liking to move it, move it.

Just shared via Twitch:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Going viral on X:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Trending via Snapchat:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to figure out planet Earth like it's a level 100 escape room! 🌍🧐🚀

confusion, doing, even, existential, humor, humor quote, life, planet, sure

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situations, bathroom, bathroom humor, expression, face, funny expression, hours, humor, moments, pee, pee face, relatable, relatable moments, same, sex, sex face, situations
The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

0

2 months ago

attitude, bigger, confidence, humor, personality, science, size, smaller, woman
I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.

0

4 months ago

bridge, burning, conflict, humor, i, last, last bridge, love, me, relationship, revenge, sarcasm, smell, someone
Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

0

2 months ago

acting, avoiding, avoiding talk, busy, conversation, coworker, i, life, personal, personal life, something, talk, tell, today, wants, workplace
Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

0

2 months ago

addiction, back, change, comparison, dating, days, humor, relationship, trust
Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, big, bonk, comparison, feels, funny comparison, hammer, head, moment, music, music recognition, public, recognition, same, Shazam, song, taking, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Telegram this month:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

83 shares on X this month:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

12 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not like the other girls. I’m a 37 year old man.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes uncontrollable laughter is all you need to get the millions of thoughts out of your head.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

57 shares on Reddit this month:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

26 shares on Discord this month:

Just remember, you don’t need a special reason to buy a cake.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

“Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

Live now on Instagram:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Seen just now on Slack:

The Netflix “Recommended For You” list is why I have trust issues.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Making waves on Pinterest:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Seen just now on TikTok:

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Making waves on Threads:

Just when you’ve built some confidence that you’re a smarter than average human, universe sends you captcha.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

The smaller the woman, the bigger the attitude. It’s science.

I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.

Been acting really busy today because I can tell my coworker wants to talk about something in his personal life.

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨