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"Looks like someone took 'eating your fruits and veggies' a little too literally 🍎🤦‍♂️ Just making sure to get your daily dose of fiber… and adhesive! 🙊😂"

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Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

2 months ago
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I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

2 months ago
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Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

1 month ago
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Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

1 month ago
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When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

1 month ago
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Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

1 month ago
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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

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When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

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All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

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Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

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Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

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Live now on Telegram:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Just landed via Facebook:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Just landed via Twitch:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Breaking via Instagram:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

Trending via YouTube:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

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I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If people love cheese so much, why are they mad when someone smells like cheese.

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

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Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

Trying to make sense of other people’s actions will drive you to insanity.

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

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Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

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I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

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