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Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

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Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

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About to form my very first opinion.

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God doesnโ€™t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

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If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

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You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

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I put the hot in psychotic.

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Cool times create cool guys.

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The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

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The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

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I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Commentary:
"Sounds like you've mastered the art of tiredness – retired today, re-tired tomorrow! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ค"



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