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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Instead of screaming into the void, I’m going to ask it for recipes.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,525

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

Going viral on Threads:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Just shared via TikTok:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Started from the bottom and I’m still ain’t shit.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

Shared recently on Messenger:

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Live now on Facebook:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sounds like you've mastered the art of tiredness – retired today, re-tired tomorrow! 😂💤"

again, daily, daily life, exhaustion, humor, i, jokes, life, lighthearted, retirement, tired, today, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

0

2 months ago

every, food, humor, i, indulgence, lifetime, pasta, penne, savings, spend, supply, think, worth
Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

0

2 months ago

car, end, excuse, humor, i, late, music, song, sorry, waiting
I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

0

2 months ago

am, exhaustion, expired, humor, i, life, shelf, shelf life, think, tired, today, wit
“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

0

3 weeks ago

20, frustration, full-time, got, hours, humor, man, management, max, ridiculous, should, stuff, time, time management, work, work hours, workload
That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

0

2 months ago

brains, fear, humor, irony, moment, past, situation, surprise, walking, walks, zombie
Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

0

5 months ago

analogy, closer, end, faster, humor, life, paper, roll, time, toilet, toilet paper

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

83 shares on Slack this month:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

48 shares on X this month:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

64 shares on Slack this month:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

University is more like teaching yourself for a class you paid for.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

When you accidentally laugh at your own thoughts, and now people are staring.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Live now on Pinterest:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Going viral on Twitch:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Shared recently on Reddit:

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

Going viral on Discord:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Just landed via Twitch:

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Breaking via Twitch:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Just landed via YouTube:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m retired. I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨