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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

You’d think, with the amount of overthinking I do, I’d make the right decision.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,380

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

Just landed via Twitch:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Making waves on WeChat:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Making waves on Slack:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

Just landed via Telegram:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Just shared via TikTok:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Just landed via Discord:

What happened to my ankles tonight mosquitologically can never happen again.

Breaking via Slack:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

7 days ago

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Commentary:
Looks like batteries are the new diamond rings! 💍🔋😂

humor, joke, myself, parody, saving, self-love, sexuality, vibrator

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Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

55 shares on X this month:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Y’all screenshot payment confirmations to make sure they don’t play with y’all too?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Good luck to everyone out there trying to gather enough energy to function this week.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Love it when you say or do some common sense thing and the other person has “file not found” written all over their face.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Spotted on Snapchat:

First date idea: we deactivate your Instagram.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I like it when someone feeds me their food without me asking. I feel like a part of my inner child heals.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Going bananas on Telegram:

The world is in chaos, confess to your crush!

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

Just shared via Instagram:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Seen just now on Slack:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

Breaking via Threads:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

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Activity Log ✨

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

I hated rats even before my girlfriend left me for one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨