Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,698

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

Going viral on Messenger:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

Trending via Pinterest:

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

4 weeks ago

Witty and playful text about self-love and humor with a cheeky vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like batteries are the new diamond rings! 💍🔋😂

humor, joke, myself, parody, saving, self-love, sexuality, vibrator

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Slack this month:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

96 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is I’m still in my 40s.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

99 shares on X this month:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

My default setting is sexual energy.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Alexa, turn off the planet.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

How is it still this week?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

“I’m still young”, I tell myself, as my knees make popping noises while standing up.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

Going viral on YouTube:

Not the sharpest cheddar on the charcuterie board.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Going viral on Threads:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Just shared via X:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Making waves on Reddit:

Imagine you get to the gates of heaven and they make you download an app to go in.

Just landed via Telegram:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Spotted on Telegram:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

Keep the laugh going 😂

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨