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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I could never be nonchalant because I am not well in the head, and also my soul is on fire.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

The concept of hot water showers feeling so good but not actually being good for your hair or skin is disgusting.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,406

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

Making waves on Discord:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Breaking via Slack:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Making waves on Pinterest:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Breaking via Threads:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Going bananas on Threads:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

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I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.
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Commentary:
"Who needs cable when you can pay for multiple streaming services and still have money left over for… well, not much 🤑💸 Don't worry, your brainpower will surely help you find a way to cut costs… maybe. 😅📺 #StreamingOverload"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Facebook this month:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

I will never stop being a quitter!

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

92 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

55 shares on Slack this month:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

1pm, the perfect time to start doing the work I woke up early to get a jump on.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and reported them for harmful content.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,694

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Maybe coffee is addicted to me?

Just landed via YouTube:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Going viral on Messenger:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Just landed via Reddit:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Shared recently on Facebook:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Seen just now on Discord:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

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