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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I’m surprised some of you are allowed out of your house on your own.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,373

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

Going bananas on Telegram:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

Just landed via Twitch:

Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Big accounts just say water is wet and get 1 trillion likes.

Trending via Twitch:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Spotted on YouTube:

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Seen just now on Telegram:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like your inner monologue needs a lesson in hospitality! 🧠🤨🍵

dialogue, head, humor, internal, internal dialogue, me, much, self, self-doubt, starting, think, voice

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

0

2 months ago

compatibility, conversation, date, humor, just, knows, meet, music, over, relationship, social, someone, song, songs, talk, want
Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

0

2 months ago

demon, everyone, got, hair, humor, joke, OMG, once, possessed, possession, prank, something, supernatural, transformation
If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, nice, positivity, say, something
Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

0

2 months ago

back, cool, depression, ever, got, growth, health, inspiration, life, mental, mental health, motivation, personal, personal growth, recovery, sex, spark, worst
For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

0

1 week ago

Christmas, confusion, figure, holiday, humor, ID, life, self-improvement, wish
The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

0

1 month ago

being, best, celebration, family, food, friend, friends, gathering, holiday, pie, Thanksgiving

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

83 shares on Threads this month:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

39 shares on X this month:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

I use subtitles so if I learn anything interesting I can say “I was reading about” instead of “I saw on an episode of Love Island”

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

81 shares on Threads this month:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Just because I’m up sharing posts at 7 a.m. doesn’t mean I’m up. Don’t call my phone.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Marriage is just asking each other, “What do you want to do for dinner?” and then replying, “No, not that,” until death do us part.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Just landed via YouTube:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Just shared via Telegram:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Making waves on WeChat:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

Making waves on Slack:

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

Spotted on X:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Making waves on Slack:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Just shared via Slack:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Seen just now on Threads:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

Seen just now on X:

My home security system is just a copy of my paycheck taped to my front door.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨