Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

My phone went from fully charged to 10% while I was sleeping, so I guess it leads a more exciting nightlife than I do.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Fact: Snow in November happens because people decorate for Christmas prematurely. You know who you are. Stop it.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,319

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

Seen just now on TikTok:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Making waves on Snapchat:

My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Seen just now on Twitch:

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

Trending via Slack:

Childbirth seems like an awful lot of work for an already saturated market.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
All aboard the AI Express! We'd have trains so smart, they'd start offering career advice. 🚂🤖💰

AI, imagination, imagine, money, spending, spent, technology, train, transportation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

0

2 months ago

compliment, fog, funny moment, glasses, humor, me, moment, self-esteem
Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

0

2 months ago

airport, anything, asked, coke, expensive, food, food pricing, humor, i, joke, just, me, paid, pricing, sandwich, security, seen, start, travel, unusual
“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, irony, life, misunderstanding, prison, relationship, rest, sarcasm, understanding, want, witty
I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

0

2 months ago

call, communication, hate, humor, i, people, personal, personal preference, phone, preference, sarcasm, technology
You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

0

2 months ago

anything, early, fun, humor, humor quote, meeting, motivation, office, office humor, person, procrastination, productivity, sarcasm, workplace
Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

0

5 months ago

backward, bend, bend backward, cowgirl, exorcist, humor, i, position, relationship, reverse, reverse cowgirl, sex, sex position

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on YouTube this month:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

56 shares on Reddit this month:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

39 shares on Twitch this month:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

97 shares on Discord this month:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

What did people do before alarm clocks? Just go to bed like, “Hope I wake up in time for work tomorrow.”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Leaving out milk and cookies for Santa is literally making an offering to a deity.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Sometimes our greatest achievement in life is being able to survive our own thoughts.

Going viral on Messenger:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Just shared via Facebook:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

Breaking via Snapchat:

I’m already excited about who I’m going to think sucks first today.

Spotted on WeChat:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Just shared via Telegram:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

“You’re so understanding,” yeah, because I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨