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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I wish I was waking up and going to the airport.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,564

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Live now on Slack:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Spotted on Messenger:

It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Just landed via TikTok:

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

Trending via X:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Breaking via Threads:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Going viral on X:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

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In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.
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Commentary:
"Meanwhile, in this universe, I'm just mastering the art of sarcasm! 😂🚀 #ParallelProblems"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on Telegram this month:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

29 shares on Threads this month:

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

At this point, if you buy Tesla, everyone is just going to assume you are a loser.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,565

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

One week without chocolate. I can no longer hear anything in my left eye.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Making waves on WeChat:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Just landed via X:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Seen just now on Threads:

They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

Making waves on Reddit:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Broadcasted on X:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Just landed via WeChat:

Most of my exercise comes from getting up to let the cat in and out.

Trending via YouTube:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Just landed via Facebook:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

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