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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

This alien invasion could have been an email.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

“I’m sure it’ll turn up” – Translation: I’m bored of helping you look.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Vote for me, I’ll cut the alphabet in half.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,261

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Spotted on Twitch:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

Just landed via Snapchat:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Spotted on Facebook:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Going bananas on X:

Curly fries are my favorite as they’re salty and spiraling, like me.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Trending via Messenger:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Shared recently on X:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like someone messed up the frog-to-prince conversion chart again! 🐸👑🙃

different, expectation, fairy, fairy tale, frog, humor, just, me, prince, promise, ratio, tale

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29 shares on Discord this month:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

12 shares on Slack this month:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

58 shares on Threads this month:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

62 shares on Discord this month:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

“Why don’t you tell us anything anymore?” I’ve updated my privacy policy.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Let me seduce you with my knowledge on useless things.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Shared recently on Facebook:

That feeling when you take the first bite of your favourite food, that’s called chewphoria.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

Spreading quickly via X:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Live now on YouTube:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

Keep the laugh going 😂

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

I’m so embarrassed by the paragraphs I used to send expressing my feelings.

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨