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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,625

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Love crawling into bed like it’s a spa retreat, only to wake up like I survived a bar fight.

Going viral on TikTok:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Trending via Snapchat:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Breaking via WeChat:

If you apply enough sunscreen, the rain simply rolls off.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Making waves on Reddit:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sure, just throw the ingredients in a pan, and give them a stir—voilà, you're a master chef! 🥢🥦🔥

cooking, dish, food, humor, instruction, instructions, name, only, stir-fry, where, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

1 month ago

acting, always, comedy, de, expression, facial, facial expression, fart, funny expression, humor, just, looks, nasty, nasty fart, niro, Robert, Robert De Niro
I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

2 months ago

adulting, change, check, day, forecast, good, humor, i, laundry, life, life change, next, night, party, priorities, used, weather
Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

2 months ago

called, called off, care, casual, casual wear, day, day off, fat, feeling, feeling fat, jeans, self, self-care, wear, work
Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

5 months ago

day, energetic, feeling, humor, i, maybe, morning, parallel, parallel universe, refreshed, somewhere, thinking, tiredness, universe, wake, wake up, wishful, wishful thinking
I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

1 month ago

back, bring, bring back, catchphrase, holy, holy moly, humor, me, moly, nobody, nostalgia, stop
Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

2 months ago

advice, behavior, child, curiosity, going, parenting, rules, something, temptation, touch

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Trending via YouTube:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Breaking via Messenger:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

Just shared via X:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Just shared via YouTube:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Addicted to bad posture like why is it so comfortable to sit like a cooked shrimp.

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

I didn’t believe in karma until I was scheduled to work at 6am on a holiday.

They should invent a day where I don’t think.

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

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Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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