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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Those who still fit in their wedding dresses years later haven’t been making enough effort eating.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

I downloaded a meditation app. Now I’m stressed about missing sessions.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Parents be like “Boys are easier,” and then their daughter has to save the family from ruin.

Breaking via Discord:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Sorry I missed your call when I pressed decline.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Breaking via Slack:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Live now on YouTube:

Unpopular opinion: we really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

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“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.
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Commentary:
When life starts sounding like geometry class! 🤓➡️📐

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on Telegram this month:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

11 shares on Threads this month:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

45 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

46 shares on TikTok this month:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Stop dating if you have no car.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Good luck to everyone out there trying to gather enough energy to function this week.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I always leave my friends voicemails in case they suddenly decide to be a musician and need an interlude.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,344

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

We’d never met, or even spoken, but I could tell just from gazing into her pale blue eyes I had stepped on her toe.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

There will be people in your life that say you have too many books. Those are not your people.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

Live now on WeChat:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Spotted on Messenger:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

Live now on Slack:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Making waves on Reddit:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Making waves on YouTube:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

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