Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.
  • I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.
  • My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.
  • One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.
  • Refusing to attend my brother’s gambling intervention until they agree to call it a slot shaming.
  • Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.