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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,602

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

I was blinded by a goddamn deer with a shiny red nose… No, officer, I haven’t been drinking.

Live now on Instagram:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Making waves on Discord:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Shared recently on Discord:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Spotted on Reddit:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Seen just now on X:

If I was a stray cat, I’d follow you home and let you domesticate me.

Breaking via Instagram:

My wife has the worst taste in men.

Just shared via Telegram:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Trending via Discord:

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Everyone is getting idioter.

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Playful text about road rage humor, sarcastic and witty in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When pedestrians are crossing, why not show some love and drop a beat instead of honking? 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♀️💃 Let's keep the peace on the streets, folks! 🚗✌️ #CalmDownAndDriveOn"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Long story short, I survived.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

79 shares on YouTube this month:

Googling symptoms until you cry.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

12 shares on Threads this month:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

10 shares on Threads this month:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,578

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Who called it a missed phone call from your parents and not a boomer rang?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Making waves on Threads:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Making waves on Slack:

The Velvet Underground probably wouldn’t have been so influential if I was at their shows with a giant magnet and pulled their guitars out of their hands.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

Trending via Messenger:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Going viral on YouTube:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Making waves on Threads:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Breaking via Pinterest:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

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