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Commentary:
Trying to recover from a botched high five is like trying to un-send a risky text message… it's just awkward city, population: you and your flailing hand 🤦‍♂️🤝 Don't worry, we've all been there!

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

0

2 months ago

aging, Botox, brow, dumb, dumb thing, expression, facial, facial expression, furrowed, furrowed brow, humor, i, need, people, sarcasm, say, skincare, thing, things, wit
Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

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2 months ago

brag, entertainment, humor, me, movie, sleep, watching
You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

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2 months ago

achievement, activity, cool, finish, finished, fitness, half, humor, marathon, things, too
Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

0

2 months ago

activity, bro, friendship, fun, fun activity, good, humor, outdoor, river, rock, rocks, skipping, skipping rock, stop
One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

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4 months ago

buy, decision, future, humor, i, measurement, myself, only, sort, sure, time, timekeeping, watch, waterproof
I am the human version of tangled headphones.

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2 months ago

am, analogy, headphones, human, humor, i, self-deprecation, tangled, version

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on WeChat this month:

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

I was told to be more optimistic so I’ve decided french fries aren’t bad for me.

85 shares on Threads this month:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve woken up yet again without an emotional support capybara.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Men call us “gold diggers” when we expect them to pay for a meal. Honey, a gold digger goes after yachts, not a piece of chicken.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I feel so discombobulated when supermarkets switch up the aisles without texting me first.

Going viral on X:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Freshly posted on X:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

Spotted on WeChat:

I might not be able to speak another language but I can speak English slower!

Going viral on Messenger:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

Just shared via X:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

Spreading quickly via X:

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨