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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

“I’ve had cigarettes that were better than entire years of my life.”

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Going to the beach as a feet guy must be insane.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I have never read a Hacker News thread where any of the commenters seemed as if their life contained joy.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,346

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

The world started without permission again.

Breaking via Slack:

Not today, Satan, but next week works.

Just landed via Discord:

Printers and computers treat each other like they broke up the night before, and you’re their mutual friend.

Breaking via Messenger:

Instagram is run by celebrities. Twitter is run by the streets.

Trending via Discord:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Spotted on TikTok:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Just landed via X:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Breaking via WeChat:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Witty text about the struggles of a failed high five, humorous and playful.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to recover from a botched high five is like trying to un-send a risky text message… it's just awkward city, population: you and your flailing hand 🤦‍♂️🤝 Don't worry, we've all been there!

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

39 shares on Reddit this month:

Through pottery, we domesticated rocks.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

79 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

82 shares on Slack this month:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,545

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

My favorite animal is me when my feelings are hurt.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Everyone is getting idioter.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Breaking via Messenger:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

Spotted on Instagram:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

Making waves on TikTok:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Just landed via Messenger:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Just shared via TikTok:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

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