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Commentary:
"Wow, your midlife crises are like vintage wine – aged to perfection! 🍷 Cheers to experience and maturity, with a side of existential dread. 😅 #LifeGoals"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

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2 months ago

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You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

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2 months ago

belief, cynicism, every, humor, just, level, liking, mistrust, opinion, politician, politics, prove, satire, should, single, skepticism, trust
I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

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2 months ago

confidence, grammar, humor, language, never, punctuation, semicolon, used, writing
The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

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2 months ago

cravings, cucumber, difference, food, horny, humor, hungry, innuendo, joke, sexuality, where
They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

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2 months ago

being, communication, genuine, honesty, humor, invent, man, me, relationships, sarcasm, should, things, trust
Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

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5 months ago

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🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Twitch this month:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

80 shares on Slack this month:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

89 shares on X this month:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

96 shares on Facebook this month:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

81 shares on Discord this month:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

61 shares on Twitch this month:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Live now on YouTube:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Going viral on X:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Spotted on Slack:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Breaking via Telegram:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Just landed via Discord:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Freshly posted on X:

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

Just landed via Discord:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Breaking via YouTube:

Next to nothing is a weird place.

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Activity Log ✨

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

Social Media Stars ⭐

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