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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ถ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldnโ€™t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ง has downloaded:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ด has bookmarked:

I wish I was mysterious, but unfortunately I just can’t keep my mouth shut.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has bookmarked:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

Saying โ€œshut upโ€ before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡พ has bookmarked:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

When someone asks me why Iโ€™m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, โ€œIโ€™m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

โ€œCareful. It’s slippery!โ€ – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,728

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on Pinterest:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, โ€œIโ€™ve been to a gift shop.โ€

Just shared via LinkedIn:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Just shared via Messenger:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

Making waves on TikTok:

My dad called my philosophy degree a โ€œlicense for unemployment.โ€

Just landed via Messenger:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Job applications be like โ€œhow did you hear about us?โ€. Bro why, was it a secret?

Playful text highlighting the mystery behind job application questions, with a humorous tone.
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Commentary:
"Job applications out here asking 'how did you hear about us?' ๐Ÿค” Oh, was it supposed to be a top-secret mission to find a job? ๐Ÿ•ต๏ธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‚ Maybe they're just testing our detective skills while we're desperately searching for employment! ๐Ÿ”๐Ÿ•ต๏ธโ€โ™€๏ธ #JobSearchMystery"

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

76 shares on Reddit this month:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

If this meeting were any slower, itโ€™d be a landscape painting.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

87 shares on Threads this month:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

72 shares on Discord this month:

They should invent a Sunday thatโ€™s longer than a couple of minutes.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

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Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I’m like “I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Do you ever hang out with someone elseโ€™s family, and youโ€™re like, ooooh, so this is what itโ€™s supposed to be like?

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

No, I can’t tonight. I already have plans to look at my phone somewhere else.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I don’t need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,471

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ has copied:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ง has shared:

Need to clean the fridge, so Iโ€™m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

Itโ€™s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

Itโ€™s always a huge relief when Iโ€™m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ผ๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

Iโ€™m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting peopleโ€™s grammar online is still free.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going bananas on Facebook:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Just shared via YouTube:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Making waves on Discord:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

Live now on WeChat:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I canโ€™t even close my suitcase.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Seen just now on Slack:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Breaking via Instagram:

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Avocado is just green butter.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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