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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

431 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,700

Funny Quotes Topics

17,718

Funny Quotes Images

15,700

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I feel like people just come to the airport to cough.

Just landed via Messenger:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Live now on Instagram:

You don’t know a person until you’ve seen them eat popcorn.

Going viral on Threads:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Just landed via Threads:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Making waves on Slack:

I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

Making waves on TikTok:

I run a parody bank account.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Spotted on Twitch:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

Job-hopping is a funny concept, like ‘Hey, I’m gonna go hate my life over there instead.’

1 day ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Switching from hating Mondays to loathing Wednesdays 😅📅 #CareerGoals"

concept, Funny, funny concept, hate, humor, job, job-hopping, life, over, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

2 months ago

absurdity, celery, diet, food, humor, joke, pizza, vegetables, water
If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

2 months ago

ask, going, home, humor, invitation, leave, me, myself, situation, tell
I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

2 months ago

be yourself, doing, everyone, honesty, humor, i, interaction, love, people, personality, say, scaring, social, social interaction, yourself
The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

2 days ago

alarm, before, effective, iPhone, listen, morning, noise, sleep, technology, wake, wake up
Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

2 months ago

buying, comparison, even, haircut, humor, just, new, old, phone, satisfaction, technology, upgrade
Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

2 months ago

brain, brain damage, butterfly, damage, disappointment, give, humor, just, me, nobody, relationship, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

44 shares on Discord this month:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

20 shares on Threads this month:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Genuinely, why does the logo of every AI chatbot look like a butthole?

Trending via Messenger:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

Spotted on Slack:

UK rappers be like “I’ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeley”

Live now on Snapchat:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Broadcasted on Slack:

Women don’t like me, so I’m going to spend all my money on a jacket.

Making waves on X:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Just landed via X:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

Spotted on Twitch:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Job-hopping is a funny concept, like ‘Hey, I’m gonna go hate my life over there instead.’

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨