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Commentary:
"Parenting tip of the day: Forget textbooks, just hand over the iPad! 📱👦👧 Who needs math when your kid could be gearing up to battle cyborgs in the future anyway? 🤖💥 #ParentingWin #CyborgFighters"

cyborg, fight, fighting, future, give, humor, iPad, just, kids, parenting, screen, screen time, technology, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

1 month ago
am, bribe, corrupt, humor, i, joke, maybe, me, need, politics, position, power, seriously, shame, tried
My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

4 weeks ago
care, chew, dental, dental care, dental plan, guess, humor, i, joke, just, mouth, plan, side
I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

2 months ago
baby, crying, envy, escape, event, gathering, humor, i, leave, parents, social, social gathering
Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

1 month ago
adult, exhaustion, here, humor, over, request, responsibility, someone, tired, too
If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

1 month ago
actually, behavior, being, complain, complaint, fitness, humor, i, irony, just, out of shape, people, relatability, self-awareness, shape, tips, try, want, workout, wrong
My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

2 months ago
context, enjoyment, good, humor, listen, listening, music, neighbors

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Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Thinking after a concert that the artist liked your city/show the most is like thinking the bartender flirted with you.

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The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

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Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

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Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

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I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

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Holiday dinners with family are like real life boss levels with the worst loot.

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Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

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Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

My superpower? I can look you dead in the face while you’re talking and not hear a damn word you said.

If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

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I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

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Might go to prison so I can focus on the gym properly.

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

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Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

My dental plan is, “I guess I’ll just chew on this side of my mouth from now on.”

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Could someone please come over here and be the adult? I’m too tired.

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

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