Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

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Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

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My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

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Having a low quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

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I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

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Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

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On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

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Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

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I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

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Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

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If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.