Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

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My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

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Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

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Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

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The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

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I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

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Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

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Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

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Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

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If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

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No pre-workout, just flashbacks of stuff I let slide.