Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

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Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

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You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

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As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

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A garlic a day keeps people away.

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The recipe I’m making specifically says “allow to cook undisturbed,” and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

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Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

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When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

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Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

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Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

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I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.