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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

It’s romantic to fall in love during the collapse of society.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,351

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Spotted on YouTube:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Live now on Threads:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Live now on Facebook:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Going viral on X:

The fact that I have a lot of wine in the house proves that I don’t drink much. Otherwise the wine would be gone.

Seen just now on X:

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Making waves on X:

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

Spotted on Messenger:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Clever humorous text about military time enthusiasm and phone habits.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess those who use military time are already clocked in for service! ⏰👩‍✈️📞

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Instagram this month:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

91 shares on Twitch this month:

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

90 shares on Slack this month:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope all of you get laid and not laid off this year. Amen.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,453

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

You may find my attraction to Goofy weird, but I don’t give a hyuck.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Why does tiredness on the couch not follow me to the bed?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Live now on Twitch:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Shared recently on Discord:

This whole week could have been an email.

Breaking via YouTube:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

Making waves on Slack:

I tried to act normal once, worst five minutes of my life.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

Making waves on Instagram:

“Ooh, you’ve caught the sun.” Translation: You look like you’ve been swimming in a volcano.

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