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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,808

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Spotted on Twitch:

Kiss me like you’re trying to damn my soul and save it in the same breath.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Making waves on Instagram:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

Just landed via X:

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
When your white tee gets its first stain, it qualifies for catastrophic insurance 😂👕💔

clothing, different, frustration, grief, humor, kind, laundry, losing, stain, tee, white, white tee

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

1 month ago

humor, nope, person, personality, sarcasm
Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

1 month ago

activity, always, better, decision, escalator, faster, humor, i, move, next, people, prove, stairs, whenever
I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

2 months ago

absurdity, age, death, die, fall, head, hope, humor, i, irony, old, old age, piano, something, stupid, want, wish
No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

1 month ago

activity, anyone, busy, dating, denial, free, free time, fun, fun activity, humor, lying, outdoor, outdoor activity, outside, playing, time
Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

1 month ago

compromise, going, humor, integrity, irony, okay, self, wit
I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

1 month ago

cheese, food, humor, i, love, meet, name, relationship, significant, significant other

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Can the AI bubble just pop already? Everyone hates this crap.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

My wife’s resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Being Leonardo DiCaprio is like driving in a school zone. You don’t go above twenty-five.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Trending via WeChat:

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

Spotted on Telegram:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Making waves on Instagram:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Spotted on Facebook:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Seen just now on Slack:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Going viral on Discord:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

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Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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