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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Happy new fear!

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I forgot to take my meds so I’m looking forward to joining the squirrels in the tree to talk politics.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

It’s not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for a cauliflower cake, and I reported them for harmful content.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Jan 5, 2026

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Pinterest:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Just landed via X:

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

Seen just now on WeChat:

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

Broadcasted on Discord:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Going viral on YouTube:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Spotted on X:

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I’m literally overstimulated with life. I need to scream on top of a mountain.

Trending via Pinterest:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

6 months ago

0

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting! 🛋️🥃😄

adulthood, bourbon, comfort, couch, drink, homebody, humor, maturing, relaxation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

0

5 months ago

chase, done, funny situation, house, humor, i, never, open, parenting, parkour, Sharpie, situation, through, toddler
I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

0

2 months ago

cleanliness, family, house, humor, i, kicking, kids, parenting, spotless, struggle, want, wrong
If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

0

2 months ago

calorie, consider, conversation, fitness, humor, ID, interaction, maybe, small, small talk, social, social interaction, talk
Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

0

3 months ago

allowed, cicada, feels, frustration, humor, i, just, nature, relaxation, scream, should, sit, tree
I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

0

2 months ago

antics, appear, binder, binder clip, clip, humor, i, job, just, looks, nowhere, say, surprise
Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

0

2 months ago

anti-social, bed, day, everyone, humor, just, lie, naked, relaxation, self-care, self-indulgence, solitude

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on YouTube this month:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

89 shares on X this month:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Special Offer: Save 100% when you don’t buy anything.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,398

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I’m tired and drank a lot of coffee, so now I’m tired but faster.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Breaking via Telegram:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Just landed via Reddit:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Just landed via Reddit:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Going bananas on Threads:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

Spotted on Telegram:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My husband keeps borrowing and losing my tweezers, so I’m naming this chin hair after him.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Going viral on Messenger:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

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