Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

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Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

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You get to a certain age and realize stretching is non-negotiable.

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A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

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I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

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“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

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Being gracefully insane is the only way to survive life’s daily bullshit.

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Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

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The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

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Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

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The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.