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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom, so I showed her my organized sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Your honor, when I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean in contempt.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

My red flag is that I don’t make playlists on Spotify. I just add every song I’ve ever liked to the ‘Liked Songs’ playlist and shuffle that, like an iPod.

Making waves on X:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Just landed via TikTok:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Just landed via Messenger:

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Spreading quickly via X:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Middle-aged math dilemma: going out for a night on the town feeling like you're 25 again 🍹, only to wake up the next day looking and feeling like you're pushing 70! 🤪🥴 Just another case of arithmetic not adding up in our favor! #AgeIsJustANumber

age, drinking, feeling, going, half, hangover, humor, math, middle-aged, morning, next, party, twice, waking

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Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

If I were an organ, I’d fail.

25 shares on Slack this month:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

63 shares on Instagram this month:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Normalize mouthing the lyrics to the song in your headphones in public.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

25 shares on Threads this month:

Adulting is only fun when you have the funds.

79 shares on Discord this month:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Being a writer means knowing exactly how your story ends, and having absolutely no idea how to get there.

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Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Type of person to take the long way home just to listen to more music.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, you have to believe me. I followed that porn star because I like her political views.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Grown men asking Grok if this is real.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Just shared via TikTok:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Seen just now on TikTok:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

Shared recently on TikTok:

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Just shared via Threads:

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

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