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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,513

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

Just landed via Threads:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Shared recently on Threads:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

Trending via WhatsApp:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

Making waves on X:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Making waves on Reddit:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When did Monday become the dress rehearsal for the work week? 🤔🎭 #MondayMadness

humor, Monday, motivation, office, pretending, procrastination, real, Tuesday, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

0

4 months ago

able, age, book, childhood, dinner, explaining, humor, kids, little, nostalgia, old, phone, phone book, reach, sit, table, teenager, today, try, used
No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

0

2 months ago

am, feeling, frustration, humor, i, long weekend, machine, meant, refreshed, trapped, weekend, work
Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

0

2 months ago

false, false information, giving, humor, i, information, joke, know, leak, prank, sarcasm, secrecy
Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

0

2 months ago

activity, add, bored, boredom, creativity, daydreaming, fun, fun activity, guys, head, imagination, just, left, mental, mental activity, story, where
Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

0

2 months ago

another, appreciate, appreciation, beauty, broken, community, fighter, fighters, lover, lovers, twisted, Twitter, used, where
We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

0

2 months ago

beavis, butthead, humor, ignore, name, shock, shocked, strangeness, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on X this month:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

60 shares on Threads this month:

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

84 shares on Discord this month:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Maybe in another universe, I punched him in the face instead of staying quiet.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

Going viral on Snapchat:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

Going viral on YouTube:

I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

Spotted on Threads:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Making waves on Facebook:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

Seen just now on Instagram:

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨