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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

From a very young age, I knew that everyone was wrong and I was right.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Who called it America and not the fast food and the furious?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

I’m just going to be hotter. It’s easier than being nicer.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Making waves on WeChat:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Just shared via Slack:

Remember when we were young we wanted to stay up for New Year’s? Now we’re old and cursing because we’re staying up past 9:30 and our entire sleep routine is disturbed.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

Going viral on Reddit:

Airlines be like: “Oh, wow. Oh, God. We didn’t think everyone would bring a bag!”

Shared recently on Reddit:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Trending via Reddit:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Live now on Snapchat:

I postpone certain outfits until I get a certain hairstyle because, yes, it’s that deep.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

2 months ago

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"Relatable! My brain is running a 24/7 drama series with unlimited episodes! 🎭😅 #OverthinkerPro"

anxiety, health, humor, iconic, mental, mental health, overthinking, personality, relatable, sarcasm, self-deprecating

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93 shares on Discord this month:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

18 shares on TikTok this month:

I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

My dad called my philosophy degree a “license for unemployment.”

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Going viral on TikTok:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

Just shared via Slack:

You’re a “haha” girl, and I’m an “lol” guy. It just wouldn’t work.

Trending via Snapchat:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Going viral on YouTube:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

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Activity Log ✨

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Hey girl, are you a cigarette? Because I like cigarettes.

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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