My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

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The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

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I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

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Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

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My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

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“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.

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Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

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They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

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I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

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It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

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Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.