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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

When a woman texts you three questions, you should only answer one. She will love that.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Just being myself is how we got into this mess.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,697

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Seen just now on Slack:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Seen just now on Reddit:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Just landed via Reddit:

Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

Spotted on Instagram:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you're so optimistic, even the universe needs a checklist! 🌩️🤞😅

act, act of God, five-year, five-year plan, God, humor, life, life plan, only, plan, sarcasm, unpredictability

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

0

5 months ago

chill, even, full, ID, moon, werewolf
Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

0

2 months ago

activity, day, dress, every, everyday, fashion, favorite, favorite day, fun, fun activity, humor, i, laundry, routine, week
God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

0

2 months ago

divine, expectation, frustration, God, humor, irony, just, me, paperwork, procedure, say
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

0

2 months ago

bed, dangerously, edge, foot, humor, i, life, live, living, living life, night, over, risk, sticking
What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

0

2 weeks ago

90s, 90s movie, Christmas, Christmas party, corporate, corporate party, culture, exist, holiday, holiday party, huge, movie, nostalgia, office, office culture, party, seems
I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

0

2 months ago

buy, cooking, cookware, handles, hot, hotter, humor, i, irony, kitchen, kitchen humor, pot

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Discord this month:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

46 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

93 shares on Slack this month:

When the client says: “make it pop”, I have to ask myself whether he means my mind or the project.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

In your 20s and 30s, you’ll start rediscovering the niche interests and hobbies you had as a kid. It’s very important you revisit them. Your younger self was actually on to something.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Spotted on Telegram:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

Live now on Telegram:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Making waves on Snapchat:

So you like bad boys? Cause I’m bad at everything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨