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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

20s: LOL! 30s: OMG! 40s: WTF!

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,918

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Spotted on Discord:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Going bananas on Slack:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

Trending via Facebook:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

Going viral on Facebook:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your washing machine just won a new wardrobe! 😂🧺🌀

chores, done, even, humor, i, keep, laundry, laziness, machine, procrastination, want, washing, washing machine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

1 month ago
current, current events, events, fear, Halloween, haunted, haunted house, house, humor, irony, just, news, scare, year
Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

1 month ago
authenticity, comedy, genuine, genuineness, honesty, humor, i, irony, just, need, people, pretending, problem, sarcasm, sometimes
A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

4 months ago
alien, alien invasion, change, change of pace, hostile, humor, invasion, nice, pace, sarcasm, sounds
Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

1 month ago
big, big word, communication, effort, humor, i, irony, language, photosynthesis, understanding, word, words
I am half agony, half hope.

1 month ago
agony, am, contrast, emotion, half, hope, humor, i, irony, struggle, wit
Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

1 month ago
actually, choice, disappointment, entertainment, every, humor, movie, Netflix, streaming, want, watch, welcome

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Just landed via Slack:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Making waves on Snapchat:

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

Trending via WhatsApp:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Making waves on Instagram:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Just landed via Messenger:

Life so stupid, I just want a burger and to be held.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

I am half agony, half hope.

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

This is your sign to cancel all work meetings today.

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

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My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

I am half agony, half hope.

Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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