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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,430

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Spreading quickly via X:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Just landed via TikTok:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Trending via Instagram:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Spotted on WeChat:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

1 month ago

Witty text about laundry fatigue, humorous and playful, expressing laundry apathy.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your washing machine just won a new wardrobe! 😂🧺🌀

chores, done, even, humor, i, keep, laundry, laziness, machine, procrastination, want, washing, washing machine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

46 shares on Slack this month:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Just because you haven’t found the right person, doesn’t mean you will.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Live now on Facebook:

Anyone know how to grow a money tree?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Just landed via X:

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

Breaking via X:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Trending via Instagram:

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

Just landed via Telegram:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨