Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Noam Chomsky is a crazy name, like you sound hungry as f***.
  • Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.
  • If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.
  • Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.
  • It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?
  • The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.