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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Mercury retrograde: because adulting is hard, and sometimes you just need a celestial excuse.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Going viral on Twitch:

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

Just shared via X:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Just landed via Instagram:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Trending via Instagram:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Making waves on X:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

1 month ago

Humorous quote about a clumsy bird that crashes into windows and passes out.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I totally relate to that bird—always aiming high but occasionally having a face-off with reality! 🤪🕊️💥

accident, animal, bird, flying, humor, spirit, spirit animal, unconscious, window, Windows

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91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

31 shares on Threads this month:

ASAP (as sapphic as possible).

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

78 shares on Slack this month:

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

34 shares on Slack this month:

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

20 shares on Slack this month:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

37 shares on Reddit this month:

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Coffee is just goth water.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Please twerk; I have just days left.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Just shared via Messenger:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Just landed via Messenger:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I just wanna buy $16 worth of a meme coin and sell it for $2.6M two weeks later.

Making waves on TikTok:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Just landed via TikTok:

Ever since I learned about the concept of networking, I knew I was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way.

Trending via WeChat:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Just landed via Messenger:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

Keep the laugh going 😂

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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