My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

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I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

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I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

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When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

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Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

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If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

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Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

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The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.