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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,661

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Windmill? Big fan.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Just landed via Slack:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Making waves on Discord:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Spotted on Twitch:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Just shared via WeChat:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Trending via Discord:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Spotted on Slack:

If it’s one thing we’ve learned hiking, it’s the early bird that gets the face full of spiderwebs.

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess my plans! 😂💡🌴 #WinterBodyGlowUp

better, body, body confidence, confidence, humor, just, lighting, self-deprecating, summer, summer body, winter, winter body

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

0

2 months ago

anger, angry, bait, before, frustration, humor, i, me, mood, rage, rage bait, reaction, read, works
So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

0

2 months ago

1, call, communication, cultural, cultural difference, difference, English, got, humor, i, language, me, phone, phone call, prank, press, said, telemarketer, told, understand
Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

0

2 months ago

eggplant, eggs, food, gardening, grow, humor, own, pun
My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

0

2 months ago

activity, annoying, beautiful, Christmas, fun, fun activity, music, parenting, son, songs, things, trumpet
Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

0

2 weeks ago

co-worker, conversation, coworker, here, humor, me, sarcasm, unapproachable, workplace
I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

0

2 months ago

benefit, comeback, dance, dance move, enjoy, enjoyment, glass, glasses, health, health benefit, humor, i, move, moves, night, night routine, routine, wine, witty, witty comeback

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Twitch this month:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

17 shares on Slack this month:

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

94 shares on Slack this month:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

Breaking via Pinterest:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“Why would I lie to you?” I don’t know, maybe because you’re a liar.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Making waves on Instagram:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Going viral on Instagram:

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

Just landed via TikTok:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨