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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,680

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Just shared via Discord:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Seen just now on Threads:

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Live now on Snapchat:

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

Trending via Twitch:

Dear algo, please only show this post to benevolent aliens.

Making waves on Telegram:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Seen just now on YouTube:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about sneaking out early from work on Fridays.

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Commentary:
Escape artist by day, professional weekend enthusiast by Friday afternoon! 😎🏃‍♂️💨

early, early leave, Friday, humor, leave, life, office, office life, sneaking, sneaking out, talent, work

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Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

I may regret the megabytes I’ve wasted, but I’ll never regret the megabites I’ve tasted.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Europeans read a lot because their television shows suck.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Making waves on X:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Trending via Pinterest:

70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.

Breaking via Threads:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Trending via Slack:

Bored as hell. Anyone want to emotionally manipulate each other?

Making waves on Messenger:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

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Activity Log ✨

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

My favorite game is guessing if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor posture, or a brain tumor.

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨