Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Spotted on WeChat:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Going bananas on Instagram:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Breaking via YouTube:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Just landed via Threads:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Just landed via TikTok:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Trending via Instagram:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

Breaking via Facebook:

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

Making waves on TikTok:

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

1 month ago

Playful quote about sneaking out early from work on Fridays.

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Commentary:
Escape artist by day, professional weekend enthusiast by Friday afternoon! 😎🏃‍♂️💨

early, early leave, Friday, humor, leave, life, office, office life, sneaking, sneaking out, talent, work

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Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Threads this month:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

86 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

10 shares on Slack this month:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

Selling porn is gross, but selling food and small household items is grocer.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Just because you are unique, doesn’t mean you are useful.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Adding geologist to my resume after hitting rock bottom.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Making waves on Messenger:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Just shared via Snapchat:

God: “I used to work in mysterious ways but now I’m unemployed.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Spotted on Instagram:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Going viral on Telegram:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Making waves on TikTok:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

Live now on Twitch:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨