Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,669

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Just landed via Threads:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Spotted on Snapchat:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Making waves on YouTube:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Shared recently on Messenger:

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

Trending via Instagram:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

Shared recently on X:

lol is punctuation and LOL is laugh out loud.

Trending via Instagram:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Just landed via TikTok:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
The only marathon I’m running is the one back to my couch! 🏃‍♂️💨🛋️

desire, feeling, home, humor, moment, mood, motivation, never, underestimate

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

0

3 months ago

abduction, ahead, alien, alien abduction, alien rescue, aliens, consider, extraterrestrial, humor, i, joke, just, mission, picked, point, rescue, rescue mission
My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

0

1 week ago

able, back, bed, getting, getting up, knowing, morning, motivation, relaxation, sleep
My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

0

2 months ago

activity, food, going, humor, just, mexican, Mexican restaurant, relaxation, restaurant, restaurants, routine, self-care
I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

0

2 months ago

antics, back, Christmas, elf, even, holiday, humor, i, list, mischievous, nice, nice list, talk, things, want
The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

0

2 months ago

glasses, hottest, humor, i, intimacy, place, put, relationship, safe, safety, sex, take
If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

0

2 months ago

chip, chips, food, food humor, gambling, gambling problem, game, humor, ID, joking, played, poker, potato, potato chip, problem, snack

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

99 shares on Threads this month:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

74 shares on X this month:

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

Elect a clown, expect a circus.

53 shares on Slack this month:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped: February was your basketball watermelon loudspeaker phone call hip hop moment.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

So many people to disappoint, so little time.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Live now on Twitch:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

Making waves on YouTube:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Trending via Twitch:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

Going viral on Discord:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Breaking via Facebook:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨