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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡² has shared:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡· has viewed:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡½ has bookmarked:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has viewed:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has shared:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡© has copied:

Gonna vibe recklessly and call it β€œcharacter development”

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡· has bookmarked:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡° has shared:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, β€œUgh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!β€œ

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,307

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via Reddit:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Seen just now on Discord:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Shared recently on Discord:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Shared recently on Threads:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

Trending via Facebook:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

Trending via Snapchat:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The tarot lady on my TikTok said that you miss me.

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

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Commentary:
When your potential is more elusive than your missing socks πŸ§¦πŸ€”πŸ˜‚

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Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Dear Apple, at no point will I ever text someone β€œhe’ll yeah” ..

35 shares on Threads this month:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

48 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

41 shares on Discord this month:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

31 shares on Threads this month:

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with β€œDearly Beloved”.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

85 shares on X this month:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, β€œstop eating that ball, dude.”

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My nickname in high school was β€œwho?”

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I often got called β€œan old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

A quick shoutout to all of the sidewalks out there… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I talk to myself in the same condescending tone, so you’re not special.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,344

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has shared:

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has shared:

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡± has downloaded:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has shared:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ή has copied:

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has bookmarked:

Earth is hard.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡» has shared:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Shared recently on YouTube:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Freshly posted on Threads:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Just shared via Facebook:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Going viral on Slack:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Spotted on Slack:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

Broadcasted on Messenger:

If you’re having trouble finding the match to one of your socks, throw it away and the missing one will immediately show up. Follow me for more life hacks.

Trending via Messenger:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

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