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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Asking the cashier how I’m doing today.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,292

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Shared recently on Threads:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Just landed via Pinterest:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Going viral on Reddit:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Just shared via Instagram:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Just landed via Instagram:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Witty quote about self-awareness and stress, highlighting humorous inner conflict.
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Commentary:
When your potential is more elusive than your missing socks 🧦🤔😂

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on X this month:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

11 shares on Instagram this month:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

78 shares on Discord this month:

I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Saying “This reminds me of my early work,” as I walk past a Rothko.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Adding “scroll for two hours” to my To-Do list, so I won’t do it.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting is realizing you can’t skip work like you skipped class.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,432

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I am sick and tired of going to the bathroom. It’s been forty years. It should all be out by now.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I would love to be the reason you look at your phone and smile. Then walk into a wall.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

The bad news is there was a lot of turbulence on my flight this morning. The good news is my phone counted it as steps.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

Just landed via Threads:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Just shared via Instagram:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Trending via WeChat:

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

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